If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
