my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just blew my weed a kiss
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
