Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
