She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
