Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
