I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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