Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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