my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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