Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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