So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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