wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
