i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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