I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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