Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
