I cockslap morals
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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