Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
