I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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