Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
