Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
