When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
