She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
