dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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