I am in a vortex of obligation.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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