She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
