I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
