i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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