I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
