But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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