White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
