stop calling my apartment porn island.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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