If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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