Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
