Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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