i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
