UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
