Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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