is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im part way to drunk.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
