I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
