she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
