ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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