I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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