Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
