I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
