Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is Oprah even human
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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