I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
