i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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