Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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