The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
