His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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