She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
