During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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