I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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