mondays should just be called national damage control day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
