I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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