i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
