just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
