it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
