now i know why i became what i already was.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
