You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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