At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
