Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize