Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
